There really are no words to capture the multitude of emotions & the many profound moments behind finally sharing the full birth story.
My Birth Story:
Fíadhna Maebyn Cornejo
I’m not practical by nature. I’ve learned practicality out of necessity in the “real world” but I’m generally more inclined to be theoretical in my approach to life.
Meaning that at times the magnitude of life’s meaning & the gravity of its every development can overcome me with such exquisite an affect that it can be challenging to just normalize it enough to humbly live it.
What I mean is no-thing is inconsequential but the major milestones of life are of such consequence that it’s numinosity is overwhelming to the analyzing mind. It makes writing about it seem as futile a task as trying to decently describe a psychedelic mushroom journey.
Birth is like that. It’s raw physicality & completely ethereal all at once. I never transcribed my first birth with Elysía, it was to “far out” I suppose, even for me, to tame it in language but this time I was determined to give it a go lest the transformative potential of our story be lost to those who would most benefit from receiving it.
In comparison to the whole of birth stories, I don’t find Fìadhna’s to be particularly remarkable except that it was ours, hers & mine, and it was phenomenal to me. And I think for those to whom an unmedicatrd homebirth seems a daring undertaking, or those many women who have experienced the adversity of a traumatic birth, it may be remarkable as well.
For as wrong as I was about the gender of our little girl, my prediction of her arrival date was on point. In fact even Taylor’s mom said she had a feeling she’d be born on the 26th of Sept, 41+4 and at the New Moon.
Either way, I def knew we were having a Libra. It was easier then to withstand the post due date wait than with our first but it’s never easy. But I was filled with relief when on the morning of the 25th, a little before sunrise, the first contractions began. I snuck out of bed quietly and went to take a bath and allow myself to sink into the oxytocin vibe.
Once out, I was hyper focused on cleaning up and organizing the bedroom so after picking things up and putting them away in-between waves, I grabbed my sage and heading into the still dark living room, put on some lovely medicine songs that I love & began to consecrate the space, smudge myself and the house. At this point I was smiling through the contractions and feeling confident in my ability to greet them with excitement.
After texting our nanny to come (it was Sunday and she is usually off on the weekends) and letting my birthing team know it was on, the family was finally waking up. The rest of the day was a sweet blur. Elysia left with the nanny & Taylor and I got to spend the day together without distraction. My contractions stayed around 8-10 mins apart the whole day through, which was manageable using my breath & squeezing Elysia’s wooden comb in my fist.
We snuggled in our bedroom, the windows curtained to keep the space cavern-like and only candle-light to set the mood. Eventually the back labor began to take over which I had experienced prior with Elysia and at that point I whipped out my TENS machine and put the electrodes on my lower back and on either side of my sacrum. To my surprise, it successfully dialed down the intensity.
By late afternoon/early evening I was getting tired so I tried to rest as much as I could between the surges. Napping was highly unlikely with the excitement and oxytocin sending tingles through me and requiring I tune into the bodily sensations to keep grounded.
At times it felt like I was on mushrooms, and I was breathing and stretching and gyrating my hips staying in the flow of the energies. Baby was moving too, and I knew even though I couldn’t see it and that we moving in tandem, doing the sacred spiral dance together. Our nanny returned with Elysia around 9 and nothing much had changed. But as we were discussing what to do next, the surges began happening more frequently, around 5 mins apart.
I let the midwives and doula know and they said they would be over in the next hour. I felt a relief that things were accelerating now and that I’d have the support of an entire team of women around me. Our nanny also offered to stay the night in our guest room and put Elysia to bed. At this point I returned to my bedroom, now totally dark except for the candles flickering and the medicine songs playing softly in the background. I sat on the edge of the bed on the birthing ball and rested my head upon pillows, just rocking and swaying in between surges and doing my best to breath through them as they were escalating in length and intensity.
At some point my birth team arrived and I asked for a cervical check. She said I was 4 cm which was a little disheartening at first but then I remembered that dilation can happen quickly and it gave me more incentive to release into the surges and allow myself to open fully. I visualized it with each wave. Stretching and opening. Soon after that things became a blur. I had moved from sitting on the ball to the bed and was on my laying down on my side.
I was beginning to struggle to stay with my breath during the contractions that were coming back to back now. It was just Taylor and I, my midwives were resting in the living room. I called for my doula to come in as I was starting to feel like I needed more hands-on support. Taylor was behind me squeezing my hips with so much effort, he was pushing his legs off the wall to increase the pressure.
Arlene, my doula was in front of me anointing me with Lemongrass essential oil and using a hand fan to waft the scent towards me. It began to feel like I was no longer afloat above the surges but that I was being thrashed about by waves that came relentlessly one after the other. My body felt like a lightning bolt, charged with electricity that shot through me and filled my body with burning white light.
I began to shiver and shake. Silently breathing through most of my prior contractions, I could now hear myself moaning in low tones as my breath was taken away. I began to question how long I could handle this. At that point I said I needed to get in water and Arlene suggested the shower. As they assisted me to the bathroom, I instinctively sat on the toilet wanting to empty my bladder. I asked my doula to get the midwife, unsure of why I was even requesting her.
As soon as she’s left the room, the next surge hit but this one was completely different. This time my body was pushing, the force of it caught me off guard. Without a thought I began panting to slow it down as it felt like I might tear open and push all my insides out if I let go completely. I barked to Taylor to begin filling the birthing tub NOW!
Arleth, my midwife appeared and I told her my body was wanting to push. I asked her to check me again to see if I was fully dilated. They helped me back onto the bed on my back and soon she confirmed that I was in fact 10cm and ready to go. That was at 1:03am. The relief of knowing the end of the tunnel was in sight and baby would soon be in my arms was immense.
I practically jumped off the bed and into the pool which at this point had just about a foot of hot water in it. I got into a kneeling position and realized as I reached for the side of the tub to sturdy me that I was still squeezing the wooden comb between my fingers all this time. I let it go and put my hands down, kneeling. Taylor immediately joined me in the water. The whole time I could hear myself panting loudly. Someone was imitating a slower breathing pace to help me relax but I knew this was the way I needed to breath right now so I ignored her.
As the next surge hit, I released into the pushing. Then I felt a pop! It shocked me and I looked down at the water thinking I must have torn and expecting to see blood, but there was none. I said “something popped” and was reminded then that my water hadn’t broken yet so that must have been it. At that point I reached down and felt the top of my baby’s head just inside my labia lips. The next surge came quickly and I released into the pushing and her head came right out. I must have said “The head is out!” because my midwife got behind me right then.
At this point I needed to reposition and so I lifted my hips up, too high apparently with how little water the tub still had that baby’s head came out of the water. Arleth let me know at that point I couldn’t go back under as she’s already been exposed to air.
It didn’t really matter though because then came the next wave and with it her whole body shot out behind me. Arleth caught her at 1:13am and I waited for what felt like an eternity (but was probably only 3 seconds) before I heard my baby cry out. I did it. And baby was OK.
The women helped me to raise my leg over the umbilical cord so I could turn over and lean against Taylor and take my baby. When they handed her to me I was still panting, in shock from just how quickly things had transpired. It had only taken 3 pushes! They helped clear out her mouth and nose of fluid while I stared at her and looked around the dark room in disbelief. Finally I realized I didn’t know her gender and removing the receiving blanket I looked down to discover she was a girl!
What a surprise as I’d been so certain during pregnancy that this baby was a boy. She felt so tiny in my arms. We moved to the bed again where I birth the placenta. Everything that came after was confusing as I was pretty out of it. The removing of a large clot, my other daughter waking up in the adjacent room and coming in with the nanny to see the baby and her getting totally freaked out by the many faces in our bedroom in the middle of the night and beginning to cry and point to the guest room.
She was not into whatever was going on in our bedroom AT ALL. The midwives bundled us, baby and placenta sleeping between Taylor and I on the bed. I didn’t sleep, but rather stared at this new life, just as I’d done when Elysia was born, in utter astonishment.
The adrenaline and oxytocin high was too much to allow for any resting. I was told if I had to pee to just go in the bed because pads had been put down beneath me. I spent some time trying to override my body’s rule of NOT peeing in the bed but eventually my doula came in just around sunrise and helped me out of bed.
That first pee was a huge relief! I’d had a much harder time with that first pee after my eldest daughter was born. This time it was a breeze in comparison. Now Taylor was also up and it was time to clamp and cut the cord, which he did as he’d done with Elysia.
Not long after Arleth came in to check on me and baby. We weighed and measured her, a tiny 6.5 lbs (of course in Mexico everything is in grams which I had to convert to make any sense of it).
Eventually Taylor got up and made us some sourdough French toast with fruit compote and a side of bacon for breakfast. Elysia woke up and joined us in the bed, happy to be back with Mom and Dad but still very confused about what was going on.
Then everyone else left and it was just us, beginning a new day as a family of four.
Want to share your birth story?
When healing postpartum- whether you are days, months, or years- there is something incredibly liberating, empowering, and healing about sharing your story.
We invite you to share your birth story (or multiple stories if you so choose!)